Hal Kirkland

"Ever since 1600 Vine's RubaDubDubStepHotTub Party of late May 2014 (seen here) there has been a mysterious spate of pregnancies inflicting any one entering the water with a uterus. Caution is advised!"

"The Final Destination airplane freak out joke almost always ends badly. Terrified plane travelers tend to lose their sense of humor at zero thousand feet. Be warned, airport cops will beat you."

"The apparitions that haunt the entrance hallway aren't dangerous. While it's still ill-advised to wear crucifix style jewelry or mumble your favorite bible passages, they will only attack if provoked."

"DON'T under any circumstances mistake this for the service knocker.It drives the staff, as nice as they are, insane!The fact that it's in the corridor and not in the actual restaurant accentuates this"

"The 26 armed statue makes an incredible latte. Make sure ask for one after ur meal. Extremely lucky patrons may even get a neck massage and yes, it does groups."

"If at all possible, try returning ur vehicle the right way up. Staff tend to freak out when u skid to a halt on the flame ridden roof of ur car. Even bold travelers might find the experience awkward"