Nas Jackson

"A lot of shoeless pigmies pass through here at night chanting "goalposts are with us cash face" and then they fall onto squid based products"

"Passed wind in the bar and rather than a turtles bay there was a little turtles head"

"One of the staff did a wee on my wife's colostomy bag then went "oooh goldust". Odd place"

"You're not allowed to enter the building dressed as a tree and the security do not take a liking to you trying to get in holding a small child's crossbow"

"We pulled up at the drive through and the guy serving punched my wife in the face and slowly ate a packet of Skittles whilst whining"

"They sell amazing paintings of kestrel chicks and if you ask for David, he takes off his Roman costume and sings to a wounded pigeon"