Lol Craven

"Don't buy any drinks for Jordan. He is a mug."

"To add to the experience, before you go in, pretend you are a contestant on The Apprentice and you have just failed a task. Then enjoy the mental image of Alan Sugar bollocking one of your friends."

"Order the horse! For the love of god, the horse!"

"You can tell how good a place is by the way it keeps the toilets. This place doesn't have toilets, it has works of art."

"The burger is exceptionally good, but I would avoid the meat soup. Very watery. The Tuborg is the nicest beer around too!"