Funnies

Kenny 💀 Dale: True friends help you hide the body

MARK: I am a SEXY BITCH!!!!

Katie S: The honest truth!!!!!!!!

Ivy: If you love someone, set them free. If they don't come back, call them up later when your drunk!!! ;)

MARK: The next best thing would be sliced bread

Drew Michael: "You only have one body, if you treat it right, it will treat you right. #Exercise, drink plenty of water & get plenty of rest!" Read more.

Donnie ☠: Life is not about pleasing others. It about pleasing yourself. Who cares what they think. Them being happy doesn't make you happy :)

Donnie ☠: Go big of course :)

‏ع: What your #coffee says about you ?

Janks: “Don't give a woman advice: one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening” - Oscar Wilde

Janks: Feeling oh so, lazy. Want to stretch like a cat and rest my head on my arms and lay on my stomach. Have my favorite human stroke me.

Janks: "If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live." • Lyn Yutang ♥

Janks: That sad moment when you realize that the trash goes out more than you do. ♥ Unknown

Janks: I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it's health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves. ♥ Unknown

Janks: When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. • Rita Rudner

Janks: "A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future.”

Janks: Didja' ever Didja' ever get Didja' ever get one Didja' ever get one of them Didja' ever get one of them days, boy ♥ Elvis Presley, Didja' Ever

Janks: You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. ♥ Milton Berle

Janks: Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. ♥ Mark Twain

Janks: Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? ♥ Robin Williams

Janks: My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. ♥ Rodney Daingerfield

Janks: I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. ♥ Rodney Daingerfield

Janks: My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. ♥ Rodney Daingerfield

Janks: I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. ♥ Rodney Dangerfield

Janks: Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? ♥ Phyllis Diller

Janks: A clean house is a sign of a broken computer. ♥ Unknown

Janks: I love long romantic walks ... ... ... to the bar. ♥♡♥ ♥ Unknown

Janks: I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope

Janks: Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. ♥ Unknown

Janks: You call them "cuss words", I call them "sentence enhancers". ♡ Unknown

Janks: We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. ♡ W. H. Auden

Janks: I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. ♡ Robert Benchley

Janks: That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'. ♡ Richard Armour

Janks: Humor is just another defense against the universe. ♥ Mel Brooks

Janks: I've learned so much from my mistakes ... I'm thinking of making a few more. ♥ Unknown

Janks: If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I would be unstoppable. ♥ Unknown

Janks: We are all born ignorant, but one must word hard to be stupid. ♥ Benjamin Franklin

Janks: “I know this is war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it's a party.” ♥ Kristin Cashore, Fire

Janks: No officer, there is no blood in alcohol system. ♥ Unknown

Janks: All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening. ♥ Unknown

Janks: Exercise is a dirty word. It makes me want to wash out my mouth with chocolate. ♥ Unknown

Janks: If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton. This way, my friends will know I'm missing. ♥ Unknown

Janks: Trust me you can dance. ♥ Vodka

Janks: A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. ♥ Bill Cosby